For Immediate Release

MENLO PARK, CA – December 27, 2007 – The JEL Family, an exclusive trio of totally awesome rockstarlike demigods, announced today the launch of their new web site. This site, located at http://www.jelfamily.com, is just one of the family’s many creative endeavors.

“It has a little of everything,” explained John Heath, the “J” in “JEL.” “If, that is, you define ‘everything’ as pictures of us, videos of us, and stories written by us. Which I’m sure you do.”

Heath, who currently holds the title of “America’s Favorite Dancer” and longs to land a space shuttle with his cell phone, admits that he has yet to contribute anything to the site except for vetoing embarrassing photos. “I’m a busy man,” he blustered.

Before Heath could be cornered in earnest, however, a breathless voice interrupted the interview. “Is my constipation video up yet?” asked Emma Heath, the “E,” who for some reason is desperate to see her simulated bowel movements on the Internet. The 11-year-old also plans to make equally compelling contributions to the site in the form of feature films and pictures of her own face.

Jelfamily.com represents the finger-breaking labor of Lisa Adams, JEL’s “L,” who created the site. “Originally, John and I planned to launch a site called Menlo Park Riff-Raff, which was to crystallize our experiences as outcasts in this cesspool of pretty parks and well-groomed malls. However, that was a really long URL.” Adams also noted that the JEL Family site would be more appropriate for hosting a broad array of content, everything from traditional photos of children in hillbilly teeth to edgier offerings such as stimulating articles and fake press releases.

“It’s going to provide a real window into the human experience,” the elder Heath concluded sagely. “If, of course, we can be defined thus.”

When asked about her plans for the future, Heath the younger only replied, “Is my constipation video up yet?”

The JEL Family is a delightful, happy-go-lucky bunch who wants to be your friend. They reside in the Riff-Raffy district of Menlo Park, CA.

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